When You Are Your Own Saul
Last week we talked about praying the Paul out of your Saul. But what do you do when you are your own Saul?
Insecurity, anxiety, despair, and critical observation come very naturally. These thought patterns are self-focused. We’ve discussed before how the devil is self-obsessed and that characteristic is included in the sin-nature package. There’s little risk in betting on the assumption that you are your own worst enemy. You are likely the least impressed with your accomplishments, the primary skeptic of your potential, the most dissatisfied with your physique, and the most ashamed of your past. How revelatory it would be to take an honest, gut level self evaluation and then provide our friends and family with the same inventory. I would bet a lot of money that the average score from your community would reveal far more good in you than you do.
Self criticism is rampant but its best friend is outward criticism. If you are a self-critic then 100% of the time you are also an outspoken or non-verbal critic of others. You doubt me? Pick a day to pay attention to your inner monologue as you observe your surroundings. What do you say to yourself about people at Walmart, while driving, on the cover of celebrity magazines, or other parents at the playground? You don’t even need to drive anywhere. What do you say to yourself about your roommate’s or spouse’s habits, or your children’s behavior & attitudes? If your inner monologue is looking for and calling out all the positive things you can possibly discern, then let’s get together for lunch; I want to be your friend! If, on the other hand, you have the spiritual gift of “critical discernment”, then consider the potential that you are your own Saul.
You know the old adage: for every action there is and equal and opposite reaction. So it goes when we jump on the sticky pendulum of merciless judgement. We donne critical-colored lenses, and the object of observation becomes irrelevant. Our perspective is fixed on the negative. Naturally, I feel better about my parenting when I see how jacked up everyone else is. “At least I’m not as _____________ as ______________.” And magically, my insecurity takes a temporary backseat to my judgement. Round-and-round that prickly mulberry bush we go!
What does Paul teach us on this subject? Frankly, he had a lot of negative observations to share in his letters. Isn’t he critical? Well, yes. But he’s first merciful. Before he points to vital correction he identifies the God-nature in a community. His criticisms are predicated upon the fact that the true God-nature is being suppressed by the unchecked sin-nature. But more than his preaching, I want to look at his person.
Saul/Paul is a vital testament to the fact that our greatest enemy has the potential to become our greatest ally. If you are your most merciless critic, I have two things to tell you: 1. you are in sin and 2. you are capable of agreeing with God about yourself. The messianic community rightly observed that Saul was passionately committed to their destruction.
Self-Pity-Paul could have said, “Look what I’ve done! I know Jesus forgave me, but how can I ever face this community again? I RUINED these people’s lives, how can I teach them about Jesus? Not to mention I’m so harsh and angry; there’s too much in me to overcome. There’s only so much good I can do with all these character flaws.”
Thankfully he was not Self-Pity-Paul. Instead, he took all the passion and persistence that was in him and redirected it in agreement with God’s will. Almost nothing changed in Paul’s characteristics; only their trajectory was repositioned. So look at yourself. Are you racked with depression? Maybe you have a gift for compassion, it’s just focused on the wrong target. Are you a belligerent jerk? Maybe you’re speaking out for the wrong cause. Go be an unyielding thorn in the side of the government on behalf of orphans and sex slaves. The point is, you are you. God made you and you are different from everyone else. Satan will find every quality the Lord put in you and make you dislike it, thereby distracting you with trying to eradicate it rather than hone it. It is a chasing after the wind. If you are an administrator who chides himself for not being a prophet, then you will continue to do so for the rest of your life and criticise the administrative gifts for not being “spiritual” enough. Nonsense! Praise God for the qualities you possess and dedicate them to God. Now, what you are and what you accomplish are His problem and you just get to be grateful.
You can do the same thing for the people around you! Is your kid bossy? Acknowledge them for being a natural leader and teach them to lead with wisdom and compassion. Is your spouse scatterbrained and forgetful? Bless them for being innovative or compassionate. You would be amazed to see how quickly people overcome their weaknesses when their strengths are drawn out with mercy for the rest!
Just as with Paul, every negative characteristic around you has a positive expression. Paul became a relentless, fearless propagator for the kingdom that Peter never saw coming. Agree with God about who and what you are. Do the same for the people around you.
